"I'm gay and successful, but feel defective in sex without having a few cocktails!"
For men who struggle with their identity, the negative consequences can be magnified exponentially. In my experience with my clients, men feel shame in a relationship for not being able to “be” or “appear” confident and capable. Thrown in what gay men, for example may hear from family, friends, or society regarding traditional views of gender and sexuality, and you have a perfect storm of inadequateness, defectiveness, and shame and embarrassment. Most men struggle with expressing that they need help, while others may be so unaware that they suffer from shame, embarrassment, or unworthiness. There are some men who have learned to deal with these feelings head-on, while others who engage in unhealthy means of coping including drinking, drug use, or gambling.
When “all are welcome” can be harmful
When we look at inclusivity, it is important that we maintain areas and environments that continue to foster acceptance and shared beliefs of specific groups of people in order to develop resilience and insight. If we want to foster compassion and sensitivity, we have to model what it means to be compassionate and sensitive, by validating one’s experience and sending the message “we are here when you’re ready, and you matter!”